One question: Was he suspended and asked to show cause because he pulled Ahmed Patel into the Neech-Neech war? Could be. Could not be.

That out of the way, admit that till Thursday afternoon, the Office of RG was not even aware that Mani Shankar Aiyer was a Hindi scholar? That he knew more words in the Hindi dictionary than any Hindi scholar alive. That his cache of Neech Hindi words was beyond Vyakya. That he hurled them at the Gandhi family’s enemies but ended up shooting the Office of RG. That he called up 10 Janpath fixture Ahmed Patel every time he wanted a Tarjumaan (translation) of Neech English words into Hindi.

Aiyer’s quiver of Neech arrows was bottomless. They stuck out of his mouth. They bristled. They taunted. They hurt. They drew blood. They hurt his own party, the Congress.

When he hurled them his face was a picture of disgust. “Mein Bhi Unhi Ki Stur Tak Utar Sakta Hoon.’

His Neech was equivalent to ‘Low’ in English or it could have been the same as ‘lowborn’ in English. “Neech, as I understand it, is ‘low’. I never meant ‘low-born. I’m a South Indian. ‘Ek Hai low, Ek Hai lowborn.’

Yes, Mani Shankar Aiyer is a scholar. Both an English scholar and a Hindi scholar. A Gyaani. But it took him 10 minutes to explain the difference between ‘low’ and ‘lowborn’ to reporters. He displayed extreme restraint and did not hurl Neech words at media persons. Aiyer was a gentleman.

“Do I apologise for the Hindi translation of the English word ‘low’? Mera Koi Irada Nahi Tha Unko lowborn Kahne Ka. Mera Irada Yeh Kathiya Nahi Tha.”

Within minutes of Aiyer calling Modi Neech, the BJP was gloating. Harakiri, suicide, Khudkhushi… all sorts of killer words swirled in the air above BJP rallies in Gujarat. The BJP hoped that the people of Gujarat would avenge the Neech language used against Modi. The BJP hid its glee very well. The BJP knew Aiyer was an ally, even if a livewire member of the Congress Party, with an ear to the 10 Janpath lawn. And in the evening when the Congress suspended Aiyer and blasted him for sleeping with eternal enemy BJP, the BJP could not believe that a Congress counter-attack could be so below the belt!

At first the Office of RG reacted with “I do not approve such language. I expect him to apologise.” And Aiyer apologized, too, Pakistani-style. Instead of using the Hindi Maafi, the Lahore-born Aiyer chose to use the Urdu Mazarat, the Tarjumaan of which is Maafi, apologise, sorry.

The point is why did he use Urdu to settle a score in Hindi? The answer could be, the guy is a genius who thinks everyone else is not a genius! Mazarat Mani Bhai, Mazarat…Maafi Mushkil Habibi!

Anyway, it took the Office of RG years to realize that Aiyer damages the Congress Party every time he opens his mouth in Neech Hindi? Nobody knew why Aiyer came up with such gems in Hindi during crucial elections? Now all and sundry know: Sleeping with the Enemy!

Office of RG did not have to water-board Aiyer to get to the truth. Aiyer is a good guy. He knows Urdu. The serious charge that he was sleeping with the enemy shows how seriously Office of RG has Neech behaviour/language.

Unfortunately, the enemy has not taken the ATR, the action taken report, in the right spirit. A case of Damned if we do it, damned if we do not!

The Office of RG will soon become the Office of Congress President. And seems like the Office of Congress President will not tolerate Neech language and crass behavior. Office of RG must sit Aiyer down and train him in How to speak his mind without using Neech words? He is an OK guy, just a little too loyal.

The Office of RG is about to start out on an epic journey. On a Discovery (and conquest) of India. It should not allow Neech language to muck up the script? The European strain in the Gandhi family should stand up and teach language etiquette, decorum, good manners and polite conversation to every Congress leader – learn them Nehru, Indira, Rajiv words. Gentle flows the words!

Mani Shankar Aiyer will hopefully keep his mouth shut and not call Ahmed Patel again for a Tarjumaan of English words into Hindi. If he does that he will be an asset to the Congress Party. The Office of RG should tell Aiyer to stick to the Queen’s language and forget whatever he learned about language etiquette in Pakistan.

It is a pity the Office of RG has been drawn into such petty politics. The Office of RG has better things to do. When Aiyer stated he got his Tarjumaan on Neech from Ahmed Patel he was pointing a Neech finger at 10 Janpath because that is where Ahmed Patel spends most of his time. The message that went out was damaging to the Gandhi family.

Shreeman Mani Shankar Aiyer’s mastery over the Hindi language can be quite Khatarnaak. Especially, for those who are nearest to him – the Gandhi family. (IPA Service)