“Bull,” said the man this end of the telephone cable. “News that vested-interested people got Philip Kotler to give the PM the award is all over place. And it was in December 2018, when the Kollam Bypass’s inauguration was in danger of being bypassed.”

“Okay,” muttered Confidential Whisper. “Modi got the award for Virat hitting another century Down Under, does that make you happy? Take care not to be seen in the company of cows, these are dangerous days for Doubting Thomas'es.”

Ten intelligence snooping agencies picked up the conversation. Ten special dispatchers reported at the PMO. “What the hell,” barked Big PMO Babu. “We should have known, first. What’s so confidential and who the hell is this guy Philip Kotler? Sounds like a fraud!”

“No Sir, the award was presented by the World Marketing Summit India,” said Mr. K, aide-de-Big PMO Babu. “And the co-sponsors are all PM-pals-with highest security clearance – Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali and Arnab Goswami’s Republic and a few others who cannot be named.”

“That still doesn’t explain why the PMO was kept in the dark. It’s my job to keep The Prime Minister’s image squeaky clean and I should have been called to the award presentation. By God!”

“Sorry Sir, you’re late. Here, take a look at this picture. The Prime Minister has already picked up the award and he is holding it the classic ‘Smash Brahmanical Patriarchy’ Jack Dorsey way. People are tweeting like mad. Everybody including Rahul Gandhi and Smriti Irani. They will be talking about it in Amethi and Varanasi, Sir. Women will carry the image to Sabarimala for Ayyappa darshan.”

“Dang it,” retorted Big PMO Babu. “But what is this foreign woman doing in the frame? And the guy who is going bald? By gosh, what is this painting behind the PM? The one with blue leaves! You know what blues are? The PM can’t be in the blues. ‘Blues’ send out the wrong message. Especially, when general elections are round the corner. Disaster!”

“Sorry again Sir. Not everybody has your brains, Sir. As for the foreign-looking woman and the guy going bald, they carried the plague to the PM. It’s a heavy award and so confidential they told the jury to take a vacation in Qatar or Riyadh, whichever place suits their budget.”

“By Golly, I’m impressed. But I want a complete report. It should be on my table in two hours flat. And I want the dossier on this Philip Kotler chap. Right down to when he was born, to whom and where. By God, this is sacrilege – PMO Kollam Bypassed. I want that bloody report, where’s my coffee?”

The aide scooted. Two hours later the report was in Big PMO Babu’s inbox. He read it, once and then again. “Okay, public sector GAIL co-sponsored. Is given to recognize achievements in marketing and advertising. Sure, PM is good at advertising. So, this guy is a management guru, great. But why are award details missing on the website? No mention of jury members also. Probe, okay, why are these guys acting coy? Which is the exact organization which gave the award?”

“I have told an aide of the NSA to find out, Sir. The IB is also on it and but for the CBI vs. CBI, I would have told the CBI, too. But we’ll get the details, all of them. The R&AW are on it and the CVC knows.”

“Great job Mr. K. Nice adding the tweets of Piyush Goyal, Ms. Irani and the Manipur CM to the report, shows imagination! Seems like Raman Singh and Vasundhara Raje have lots of free time after the assembly elections. Nice. Mr. Rathore is right. Very sporting of him. It’s a momentous achievement and a proud day for all Indians; of course, the mahagathbandhan will not agree.”

“And Sir, look at Mr. Goyal’s tweets. So meticulous. So thorough. He’s listed out six accolades PM has got for every one of his flagship schemes. This is PM’s sixth honour. The others were from Saudi Arabia, Palestine, South Korea, Afghanistan and the UN.”

“I can read, K. And I’ve 20/20 vision. But where is this Pride Plaza hotel, never heard of it, is it in Paharganj? Find out, okay. Must say odd place to hold such a prestigious award function, to the most important person on the planet. Why didn’t the SPG inform us K? By Gosh, I’m of the mind to kick some ass.”

“Well Sir, could be because Niti Ayog CEO Amitabh Kant made the keynote address. You know ‘Kant’ and ‘Can’t’, they sound the same. And there was this Aligarh-based company which is linked to the Kotler Award. And Aligarh as you know is about locks. So, it was kind of secret, hush-hush – confidential.”

“Good. K you’re okay. And I like the profile of the going bald chap, what’s his name, Tauseef Zia Siddiqui, sounds like an enterprising chap. Interesting. Did you hear the PM speak Malayalam yesterday? You know, at the Kollam Bypass. Will you ask Mr. Siddiqui to get us a list of prestigious Linguistics awards, international, of course?”

“Yes Sir, Mr. BPMOB. Immediately Sir. Promptly Sir. In a minute Sir. In the meantime, how about another coffee Sir?” K scoots out! (IPA Service)